Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Potty Paper Pile

This is what I found in the bathroom last night after I came home from a meeting. It’s an innovative new take on leaving the toilet paper off the roll. Normally, I’d find the brand new roll sitting behind the pot, next to the pot, or on the floor in front of the pot. But in all of those cases the toilet paper was still attached to the cardboard tube.

Unrolling the toilet paper from the tube and leaving in it a big pile within stretching distance of the toilet is creative. I hadn’t thought of this. While unsightly and inviting of germs, hair, and bits of debris that live on our floor, reaching out to grab some from the pile on the floor is a lot easier. I’m guessing that it’s my three-year old who decided to make modern art out of butt-tissue, because if it’s anyone else, I need to have a serious talk with him or her.

Sadly, I did not re-roll the toilet paper onto the tube. It’s still sitting in the pile on the floor, although the pile is shrinking a little with each visit. I have tried to have the talk with my youngest about how much toilet paper is appropriate to use for wiping. I don’t think much in sinking in.

I remember my mother having the same talk with me. Many, many years ago.

“Rachie. You are using too much toilet paper. You do NOT need to use THIS much to wipe your little bo-bo. (Bo-bo was my mother’s word for our private area, and generally bo-bo worked unless you were having trouble with your bo-bo and needed to clarify the 'front bo-bo' or 'back bo-bo.) If you go pee-pee you only need two squares.”

“But what if I go poop?” I remember asking.

“Then you can use a little more,” she conceded. “But you girls are wasting toilet paper because you’re scared of getting a little pee or poop on your fingers.”

Well, duh, mom. Pee and poop on your fingers is just gross when you're a kid.

And two squares? Was there some scientific reasoning that helped come up with that number? Was three way too many and one simply too difficult to hold onto? I know we lived paycheck to paycheck, but were we rationing the butt paper too?

As fate would have it, in a beautifully illustrated case of what comes around goes around, I’m now having the same discussion with my little one. While she is extremely adept and using the toilet ALL BY HERSELF, she is also quite skilled at filling the toilet with mounds and mounds of tissue. I've come in after she's finished, to find a toilet bowl with no water, but a white soggy mass overtaking the bowl. Kind of how the kids cereal looks in the morning after they've left it to go to school. No milk, only a bowl of soggy mush. With trepidation I flush while holding the plunger just in case the water level should start to rise threatening my safety on the floor. Like tonight. After I flushed and the bowl overflowed again. I hate to admit this happens quite often at our house. I called for my husband to come and fix the issue. This is one of those times it really pays off to have a husband. The other bit of good news is that the large pile of toilet paper on the floor helped soak up some of the sewage water. Mmmmm. Brownies, anyone?

I did illustrate how many squares Child C was supposed to use to wipe her bo-bo. We counted them together. One. Two. Three. Four. I'm doubling my mother's offer and letting her have four squares to wipe with . 

I don’t want her getting pee on her fingers. 


Tara said...

So not only are we separated at birth, but our children are too? My boys are just atrocious in the toilet paper department.

Two squares is nowhere near enough. Not for any bo-bo in the world.

Fred A. said...

You think it was tough on you as a kid- she would only let me use 3!

Fred A. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joy said...

Ohmygosh, I had the EXACT same conversation (minus the "bo-bo") with my Mom when I was little. Our allotment was also two squares. Two measly little, insufficient squares. I feel your pain!