|These ears belong to a dog, not a child. Just to be clear.|
Even though they are very, very, cute. (Photo by Debi Stone.)
- Both children and dogs require food, water, and shelter.
- Both require regular grooming, including baths and haircuts.
- Both can be trained to perform tricks (snapping the bone from their nose and peeing in the toilet. I’ll let you guess who does what.)
- When it comes to males (humans and dogs) they both pee standing up.
- When they are small, both require a lot of care, which also includes getting up in the night with them. As they both age, this care decreases. (Hopefully.)
- Dog owners and parents always think their “children” are the most beautiful creatures ever.
- They both get ticks. Some species more than others, but ticks just the same.
- Both like to dig holes.
- When they are sick, both vomit and have diarrhea. Both types of owners go out of their mind with worry.
- Vet bills and doctor bills are usually both outrageous.
- Both children and dogs will love their owners (parents) unconditionally if treated right.
- Both dogs and children have smelly farts.
- Both can follow basic commands.
- Both enjoy a biscuit every now and then.
With so many similarities (and I only listed a handful) I can see why dog owners might have trouble remembering that a dog, is not in fact, a human. I can also see why some parents might be wondering what the hell they were thinking as they look at their children. Pets would have been so much easier.
- You can feed a dog once a day. They will drink water from a bowl on the floor.
- Children don’t smell when they get wet.
- Children don’t crap in your lawn or pee on your mailbox.
- Children don’t shove their noses into your butt or crotch.
- Dogs are cheaper. I don’t care how much they eat or how often they have a date with the groomer, dogs will never go to college.
- Children don’t eat sundries from the garbage can and drag it all over the house.
- A dog can’t reason with you about why they need the car.
- And when in the car, children don’t stick their heads out of it.
- You never have to shove your child’s nose in a pile of excrement so they don’t poop on the floor again.
- Dogs do not get baptized. (Yes I realize some children don’t either. But it’s always an option for them. Not so much with dogs.)
- If my child bites another person, or chases something around the yard and then kills it, I do not say it’s because “it’s in her breed.”
- Children will not eat your shoes.
- You can euthanize your dog for around fifty bucks.
As you can clearly see, dogs are not children, even if it feels like it behind closed doors. Even if you love them all the same. I’m not meaning to pick a fight with dog owners—my sister is one, our neighbors are one, and many of our friends own them. We can keep the peace by making a deal. I’ll keep my children from shoving their heads into your private areas and licking your hands, (even though my kids are cute, friendly, and never bite) but you dog owners need to do the same.