Brace Yourself: I'm Wineing

(image by Bottlebooks.com)

February 22, 2010

It’s 4:19 and I’m 5 seconds away from pouring myself a glass of red wine. It’s been one of those days that started going horribly wrong at about 9:00 a.m. and proceeded to spiral into an a black abyss steadily afterwards. I should also mention that it is also three days before my “cycle.” Not that this has anything to do with how I feel about my hellish day of course. I am completely calm and centered at all times. As if.

The details? Oh the details don’t really matter. The kids are fine. My husband is fine. Everyone’s health is stellar and our house is still standing and there is food in the fridge. Yes I know I have a lot to be thankful for.

Today was one of those days when that catalystic event sets in motion a string of unfortunate events, presumably all unrelated, but having happened to you on the same day, it makes a person like me think my Guardian Angel decided to go eat a pastrami sandwich and swill a coke, while leaving me to fend for myself. I don’t know what your Guardian Angel eats, but mine eats pastrami. And it’s not the fatty kind either. It’s heaven, after all, and they only have the freshest, leanest, lunch meat there.

I was so upset and immobilized by anger today that I did not workout. I am now two days behind my P90X workout plan which pisses me off even more. I have not eaten my allotment of protein, instead ingesting another large slab of triple chocolate cake. I took a two hour nap today. Which was wonderful and warm, and will now throw off my sleep schedule tonight keeping me up later so I’ll be tired again tomorrow.

I forgot my pin number to my bank account, and for the life of me, have no idea what it is, but I can tell you what it isn’t: the four codes I entered into the ATM trying to get money out.

I returned a pair of pants to Macy’s today expecting cash back, but was informed that they can only “credit my debit card” that I used for the purchase, which I no longer have because I had to get a new card because the strip on my old card wouldn’t work, so now I have a effing-gift card to Macy’s, which I don’t need.

Did I mention I also got a paper cut opening the mail?

Stop your whining, you say. Suck it up. There are people in Haiti still buried beneath the rubble of cement buildings.

You’re right. I’m going to go pour me an eight ounce glass of perspective right now. Like I said, I’m sure my cycle has nothing to do with how I’m feeling. I'm going to get into my fuzzy pants, oversized sweatshirt, and put on a movie. I'm going to let the kids fend for themselves for dinner, let the crap on my carpet stew, and I'm not checking anyone's homework. I am OFF duty.

And my Guardian Angel better get his or her act together for tomorrow.