Sunday, April 11, 2010

Fortunately It’s Going to Be Sunny. Unfortunately…

(Thanks to Remy Charlip and his book Fortunately for the inspiration for this blog.)

The forecast for the next 8 days or so reveals mostly sunny skies, no rain, and temperatures in the low 60’s. This is fantastic news. Fortunately, my garden needs to dry out, I need to start getting the backyard ready for outdoor eating and hanging out, and this may put a stop to my constant carping about the blasted weather.

Unfortunately, this many days of nice weather means I can no longer prolong the seasonal clothing switch for my children. This is a time-suck activity of enormous proportions, requiring me to wash vast amounts of laundry as I pack away all the winter shmear and garb now cluttering their closets. I do not want to do this. I’d rather get my teeth cleaned. Or scrub the toilets.

Fortunately, I have managed to resurrect enough pairs of t-shirts and shorts for each child to be appropriately clothed for approximately 2.5 days. (I found more shirts than pants.)

Unfortunately, the combinations of remnants do not match at all, which means I should be really careful about where I take my children in these outfits. Like not out in public at all. The other day I went to the grocery store only barely paying attention to their wardrobes, and as my daughter runs past me into the store, I notice she is wearing a tank top, Bermuda shorts, and her winter boots. Sigh.

Fortunately, they don’t seem to care.

Unfortunately, I’m right back where I started and need to dig the summer clothes out of the attic. I will have to force, coerce, cajole, and bribe my children to try on every blasted top and bottom to ascertain what exactly I will need to purchase this season.

Fortunately, the thought of my children scoring a new wardrobe is enough to motivate them to cooperate with me.

Unfortunately, it’s as I suspected—each child is able to retain a smattering of shirts with stains, shorts with holes in the arse, and one faded bathing suit each. All the decent looking stuff doesn’t fit at all. This of course means I will need to cash in yet more of their college IRA’s to buy new warm-weather clothing they will wear for one season.

Fortunately, I like to go shopping. While it will be difficult to part with the parcels of cash needed for this excursion, I will force myself to go to the mall and buy things while my children stay home with my husband. My job is tough, but someone has to do it.

Unfortunately, when I return after scoring great deals on clothing at Target, Children’s Place, and Kohl’s, I will be greeted with closets that are still full of winter clothing, leaving me absolutely no place to put the new spring/summer appropriate attire, which means I will have to bin-up last season’s outfits. This is a time-suck activity of enormous proportions, requiring me to wash vast amounts of laundry. I do not want to do this.

Fortunately, I have three bathrooms with dirty toilets. And you know how much I like to clean toilets.

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